When I make big money…

How I’ve been feeling lately

I’m not going to go into all the reasons why I haven’t been able to post here for a while. I am gonna say, though, that I’ve missed it so freakin’ much.

Now that that’s out of the way…

Money.

Everyone has issues with it, right? Somehow that never helps when you feel you are drowning in debt. Just when you think you have things figured out a little bit, it hits you all over again. Tidal waves crashing down on you and washing you out to the debt sea. It’s not anything to mess with.

I like to say that I’m fairly decent at budgeting and keeping up with our bills. While he was deployed I even focused all of my energy on a plan that I came up with to get us totally out of debt, minus student loans. Well, the student loans on his part have been taken care of. Which is a great thing. Mine finally caught up with me. They are being handled as they should be, but I feel like I can’t stop obsessing over income and bills and what we spend our money on. I go through it on paper, with a calculator, in my head, scratch paper… everywhere I can think of because I can’t stop thinking about it. Budget, budget, budget!

I need to take some sort of financial planning class and I know there are some out there. I honestly don’t know why this is weighing so heavy on me this time. It was almost nothing to take care of his, a breeze even. But right now, it’s about all I can take.

Oh the dreams I have for our future for when I make the big money. Debt paid off is priority obviously. But that’s not a fun dream. A fun dream would be road trips galore, shopping till I literally am bursting at the closet(s), fix up my truck like I want it, get him a new vehicle, get us a boat… oh the fun times we will have.

A girl can dream, can’t she?

Until that day comes though, back to working these numbers I go.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and I’m hoping to have my blogging voice back at least a little bit after this. We shall see.

XoxoX
Jess

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Mad Season

When things start to spiral out of control or I get the least bit anxious about life and what it’s throwing at me, I tend to turn to music. In the past it was always my loud, hard, ‘Eff the world’ kinda rock. That was because I was oh so lost and had that awful mentality. Lately, though, it’s been more Matchbox Twenty, Goo Goo Dolls and others of the like. Trying to cling to keeping things as positive as possible because I really do think that the music you listen to affects the mood you’re in. Don’t get me wrong though, I still listen to those eff the world songs, but they aren’t my go to now when I need help.

Today I had an anxiety attack that really snuck up on me. I wasn’t feeling stressed or anything, just sitting there watching tv and then BAM. That really can put a damper on a day and anyone that has issues with this knows what I mean. I’m the type to over-think things and try to figure out where it came from, causing even more unnecessary stress and worry. This is NOT advised. It’s really not good for the soul and since I’m all about things that are good for my soul lately, we have this fun positive post today!

What exactly is good for my soul though? Instead of letting myself get all worked up, I decided to fix some peppermint tea, go sit outside and play Matchbox Twenty over and over again while talking to one of my favorite people. I thought of things that I know I have and reminded myself how loved and lucky I am for the hard working and very supportive husband I have that was then napping inside after an almost fourteen hour shift last night. Some other things I think of to do depend so much on what I feel the panic is coming from. Is it a more self conscious worry, financial, work related, friendship folly, and the list goes on and on. Today the sitting outside with tea and music really seemed to work. It is safe to say that music is almost always involved in my ‘healing’ process. I could decide that I need to focus on the positive parts of myself, find the beauty in me so I pamper. Could do my nails, set up an at home spa day, take a long bath while reading a book or something along those lines. The important thing here, I think, is to remember to make time to step back and just breathe.

To do: practice yoga regularly!

I really miss yoga for so many of these reasons I’ve listed here. It is good for the soul, it involves relaxing music, it’s good for the mind and the body, and it includes time to meditate and breathe. I am very interested in finding a DVD to start practicing again at home since my schedule doesn’t really allow for regular practicing at a studio. I know enough about the poses to not need a yoga for beginners, but not enough to be considered advanced. I am really interested in finding some new ways of helping with this. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated!

 

 

Hope everyone’s Tuesday was off to a better start than mine and will be as good as I’m going to make mine be!