Niece Diva <3

fashionista in training

This little girl has stolen my heart (sorry I’m not sorry Tommy).  She means the world to me and always has, really. She, and her mom, have been living with us since October and while there has been some tough times, I don’t think I would have done it any other way.

sleeping beauties

My heart breaks into a million pieces when I think about them leaving in a few days. We really have gone as long as we can without talking or thinking about it very much because it’s just a very sad situation. She deserves the world and somehow, no matter how hard we all try, she’s just not getting it. Not at all putting any shame or blame on her mom. Her mom is fantastic and will do anything and everything she can to make sure her daughter has while she goes without. I just wish there was more that we could do to help her out, because as I said, that little girl deserves the world.

Fro-Yo goodness

From the time that I met her she’s always had a special place in my heart, as well as everyone else’s! She just has that affect on people. I’m not sure if it’s her now more fully developed southern charm or that white blonde hair she has. Whatever it is, she is capable of wrapping anyone around her finger, twice for good measure, which is something I definitely admire since, well, I’m a spoiled brat too. We spoiled brats just have to absolutely stick together. But since she’s been around more we have a totally different kind of bond. One that I hope will remain even after she leaves because I really can’t stand to think of it not being there. She is my niece diva and always will be, no matter what and I just hope she really fully understands how much I love her and how badly I’m going to miss her.

goofy times ❤

Rock Show will just never be the same and will forever bring on the water works every time I hear it now. Even yesterday when we went to town and it came on Spotify, the level of rocking out was so weak compared to before. Knowing how much she doesn’t want to go, even with as much as we talk it up. doesn’t help at all. And I know I’m supposed to be adult about this but this is really hard for me, Tommy and Tonya too! But she doesn’t deserve all this pain. I suppose all we can do is reassure her in how much we love her with all of our hearts and make sure she knows she will always have a place to call home, no matter where she is.

T-minus 3 days.

XoxoX
Jess

 

 

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Is opening up a good thing, really?

I recently took the plunge and made a Facebook page for my blog. Here it is, please like and support if you want to! Also, if you want to share your pages or anything with me, I’d be more than happy to follow/like back! You can check my page out here .

This is a huge step for me, and hopefully it’s one that’s in the right direction. Actually, anything that even slightly resembles the right direction would be fine with me. As long as it’s not backwards. Backwards is bad and it’s definitely what we do not want. We want progress.

Something I have noticed while doing all this though, is that I am very slow and selective to who I open up to. It has been much easier for me to share this part of my life with people that I met online rather than those that I know personally. I am trying to be a big girl and open more to people that I see occasionally in my actual life rather than keep it secluded to the select few that I choose to share with.

This.
is.
TERRIFYING.
What if I say something in a blog post that offends someone? What if I said something in a blog post that I’ve already forgotten about and someone goes back to read it and then brings up a past rant I had and they are unhappy that I shared it, especially if they were involved. What if? What if? What if?

I’m done playing that game. This is me, these are my thoughts and if you read this then you can share in it with me and take part in the roller coaster that is my life, or not. I am so very excited about this journey I’ve started and I would love it if people I know personally would like it and keep up if they choose to do so. I’ve never been one of the popular ones though, so I imagine most won’t be all that interested and that’s completely fine. But I think that those who are my friends, who are my real friends would want to support me as I take this step to more or less putting my life, my thoughts, hopes and dreams, frustrations and irritations, rants and rambles all out there for everyone to see. Not only that, but I’m putting my writing out there. As I try to better myself and focus on the positive, I think having this would and could only help me with that. I’m stepping out, taking a chance and allowing myself to be vulnerable to people in my life for the first time.

Yep. I was right.
It’s terrifying.
But also exhilarating.

I only made the page yesterday and I already have several likes, friends showing support, some who already knew about this blog and some who didn’t. I’d say that is off to a pretty good start.

How do you do it though? All you other bloggers, I’m talking to you. How do you feel about putting yourself out there and do you keep it more limited to who knows about your blog or do you just lay it out for everyone and their Mama to see, this is me. Was it as difficult for you as it was and is for me? Mixed emotions and all?

Would love some feedback!

XoxoX
Jess

What does family mean to me?

This topic was suggested to me by a dear friend, someone I consider family, and I am so glad it was. This is something I have been wanting to touch on for a while now and I think it’s about time that it happened.

We have all heard that blood is thicker than water. We’ve also heard that family isn’t just blood, it’s who we pick and who stays with us through the good, the bad and the ugly. There are all sorts of saying out there about family. But what side do I take? What do I think about family and what exactly does it mean to me?

I have to start with throwing out that blood is thicker than water bit. While I do agree that some blood is thicker than water, not all of it is. I have aunts, uncles, cousins who I rarely talk to and who would not come running if I need any kind of assistance, yet there are people that I am not related to at all who would drop everything to do whatever they could to help. That is family means to me. When you want to see someone you love succeed and not ever fail, even if it means a little assistance from you every so often, always be as happy as possible and be right there with them sharing in that happiness, and especially making sure that they know they are loved and protected, in a sense, by you, to me that is the ideal version of family.

Now, I know that this may differ between individuals because others have extremely close families. Of course there are those who belong to families that have their brothers, sisters, cousins, et al. as best friends. While I love my family, there is a clear divide between family and friends in my life. Except for my sister, she’s an exception to that rule for me because no matter how much we fight, argue, or she wants to kill me… the fact of the matter is, she never does. I’m still alive and it must be because she loves me so.

My sister and I may not always be on the best of terms but when something happens and I really need her, those terms somehow disappear and she’s there for me no matter what. Once things are settled they may go back to being on not so good terms again, but again, that’s what family does. They drop whatever they are doing or holding on to to help in any way they can. As stated earlier, I fully believe that it does not apply to just family by blood either. Another good example I have is my brother, but not so brother, Derrick. He’s my brother in every sense of the word except blood. My father figure married his grandmother, who was raising him, and so we were together a lot growing up. Granted, he’s 7 years younger than me, so he’s my little brother. We had family dinners at my father figures house, I would go to his place in the city during the week to watch him while his granny worked and just to spend time with them and then my father figure and I would go back home. It was easy to do since he lived right next door and he was great friends with my Mama. If anyone asks me who he is to me tho, I tell them that he’s my brother. There is a lot more to the story than that of course, but that is just much easier to say.

Basically, after this entire post, what it boils down to is that what I think family means to me is that they will lift you up when you need it, hold your hand if you need that, kick you in the butt to get you in gear when you need that too, and especially, always, never let you forget how much you are loved, unconditionally. My furbabies are a perfect example of this, really. It’s a beautiful thing to have a good family, and an even better thing to find your own family in this world and hold them close, even if they are far away.

XoxoX
Jess

Play the tape all the way through

Happy Monday everyone! Late to the Monday party, I know but the sentiment is still the same! My day has been full of revelations and coffee! Surprised? You shouldn’t be. My day started off like any other day really; woke up, watched a couple episodes of Dr. Who, went outside and sat in my new awesome comfy outside chair and drank my coffee and doodled in my new purse-sized notebook I got last night specifically for doodling and jotting down ideas for writing so I wouldn’t get so overwhelmed! But the hubsters had an awesome idea to put a makeshift barrier so we could let the furkids, minus the jazzcat, out with us. They loved it! They smelled the flowers, the lovely potted daisies that the hubsters got for me for Easter, boy furkid almost got attacked by a humming bird, and girl furkid got attention like she wanted and enjoyed people watching. We sat out there listening to Matchbox Twenty Radio on Pandora for nearly 2 hours, he was playing games and I was watching the furkids and just enjoying being outside. It was much to pretty of a day to be cooped up inside the whole time.

So, as I was drinking my coffee, some of the best ideas were coming to me. But then, a song I haven’t heard in forever comes on the radio. I post part of a lyric to it as my status on Facebook and several people like it. But then, my cousin comes in with the rest of the lyric which is exactly what I wanted someone to do since the part that I posted did seem pretty depressing. But she comes through for me, that amazing cousin of mine. Not only that though, she then posts another comment with words of encouragement as if she thinks I’m going through something difficult. I’m not. I’m in one of the best moods I think I’ve been in in a very long time. I appreciate the heartfelt words from her, but I did not mean to give off that vibe because it certainly does not match my mood.

Okay, so now I’m sure you’re all wondering what the song was and what the lyrics that we posted were. The song was Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days. It’s an oldie but a goodie. Did I mention we were listening to Matchbox Twenty radio? I’m fairly certain they were all oldies but goodies. In fact I’m still listening to it, been listening all day and it’s been great for my soul. Anyway, the lyric I posted as my status was “This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world” which then my cousin posted “And while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles.” Awwww, right? Yeah, we are cute cousins. But then, like I said, she posted another comment with encouraging words. Some of those words being “play that tape all the way through girlfriend…”, which of course stuck out to me. Instant light bulb. How many of us are stuck on the first part of the lyric in our lives? I know I was and will probably be again one of these days, but man, I’m gonna do like my cousin said. Play the whole song, don’t just get stuck on repeat on the first part.

You see, maybe that is what was going on with me and what is going on with so many people. We get so focused on the sad, the difficult, the negative… the “cried a river and drowned the whole world” part that we don’t even get to the positive, the awesome things ahead… the “I absolutely love her when she smiles” part.

Something else to think about, as we have all heard numerous times before I’m sure, is that we have the down times to make the good ones that much better, make us appreciate them that much more. Whatever the case may be, I don’t want to miss out on the best part of the song.

XoxoX
Jess