Choose your words wisely & the start of Thought-Provoking Thursdays!

I have officially declared Thursdays to be ‘Thought-Provoking Thursdays’ and that certainly is what today has been for me. It has been one helluva mental struggle and emotional roller coaster kind of day. I do not wish to have a repeat of this sort of thought-provokingness in Thursdays to come and hate this is how it is starting out but watch me put a fantastic spin on it!

Today started out just fine, got up on time, no…wait, I actually got up a few minutes early! My hair has been kick-ass today despite the crappy weather which is usually a sign of a good day for me. Good hair is one in the same with a good day, right? Clearly, I was wrong. I get to work and the bosslady and the bossman are just riding my case hard all day long. Granted, I clock in 13 minutes late because I had to take my Niece to school due to her missing the bus, which rainy weather sometimes causes. But! I called in and let them know. I don’t think that bosslady should have been that upset with me since it isn’t like I’m the only one that’s ever late. In fact, this was my second time being late and the first time was because my truck broke down. Others are late regularly.

As much as that bothered me, I decided to just let it go and enjoy the day. I was on the day shift and happy to be there. Time goes by much quicker and there are actually people there to talk to! The midnight-8AM shift is quite the opposite. It’s very quiet, very dead, very boring and after today it just might be my favorite shift again.

But then it gets worse. Dun dun dunnnnnn. Caution! Ragey Jess ahead! Not really, I just went in the bathroom and cried, but they were tears of rage damnit! You see, I have this trigger word. If it is directed at me in any way, shape or form, I lose my cool, and depending on what day it is, I could have very cool left! Bossman was involved in this one though. He may have meant no harm whatsoever when he said it, actually, I’m sure that’s exactly what happened. You see, what had happened was… I burned my arm on the dryer. I do realize how ditzy this is or can be. The thing is though, there was a pot holder stuck on the very back of this massively ginormous machine that we call a dryer. I basically had to crawl in there to get it out and my arm barely grazed the bar/rod/thing that is on the drum of the machine. Well, a load had just finished drying so it was rather hot, hot enough for it to burn my arm quite a bit. It’s still red and hurting! Anyway, I get nearly all the laundry for the day done and I’m doing another small job that bossman asked me to do and still listening to him explain it. Another lady that I work with pokes her head around the corner and I show her what happened. She asked what I did and I tell her simply “I burned myself on the dryer!” Not thinking that I would be attacked in a mean way but I was. Bossman then says something like “well, didn’t your mother teach you not to be so stupid?” Ding ding ding, the gloves are off! But there goes Jess running to the bathroom! What could I do though? He’s my boss! It’s not like I could chew him out for what he said! All I was able to get out was “hey now!” and then there goes all the blood to my face followed by all the tears down my cheeks. Ugh. Embarrassing and such a shame! It’s a shame that this one little word that probably didn’t mean hardly anything other than the same thing calling it a ditzy move or asking if I’m a blonde or anything like that. The fact of the matter was and is, though, that he used the word stupid and that’s not okay with me. That’s when it turns into blind rage and I literally had to remove myself from the scene of the crime to keep anything else from happening… like losing my job! That would have made my day much, much worse.

So, how is this all a thought-provoking post? What are some other ‘trigger words’ for others? I glanced around some forums and saw that stupid actually isn’t that common. More of them had to do with appearances, race, religion, or how social or antisocial you are. A few of them that I saw are: antisocial, shy, quiet, awkward, loser, and other various words having to do with race, religion, weight, etc. There are reasons behind ‘stupid’ being my trigger word that I won’t get into those in this post because I do want to end this on a good note. How do you help to control the beast though? I mean, once it’s unleashed, the damage is done! Or, just do like me and run to the bathroom for half an hour. Tame the beast within.

Oh how I wanted to tell bossman this 😉

 

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Play the tape all the way through

Happy Monday everyone! Late to the Monday party, I know but the sentiment is still the same! My day has been full of revelations and coffee! Surprised? You shouldn’t be. My day started off like any other day really; woke up, watched a couple episodes of Dr. Who, went outside and sat in my new awesome comfy outside chair and drank my coffee and doodled in my new purse-sized notebook I got last night specifically for doodling and jotting down ideas for writing so I wouldn’t get so overwhelmed! But the hubsters had an awesome idea to put a makeshift barrier so we could let the furkids, minus the jazzcat, out with us. They loved it! They smelled the flowers, the lovely potted daisies that the hubsters got for me for Easter, boy furkid almost got attacked by a humming bird, and girl furkid got attention like she wanted and enjoyed people watching. We sat out there listening to Matchbox Twenty Radio on Pandora for nearly 2 hours, he was playing games and I was watching the furkids and just enjoying being outside. It was much to pretty of a day to be cooped up inside the whole time.

So, as I was drinking my coffee, some of the best ideas were coming to me. But then, a song I haven’t heard in forever comes on the radio. I post part of a lyric to it as my status on Facebook and several people like it. But then, my cousin comes in with the rest of the lyric which is exactly what I wanted someone to do since the part that I posted did seem pretty depressing. But she comes through for me, that amazing cousin of mine. Not only that though, she then posts another comment with words of encouragement as if she thinks I’m going through something difficult. I’m not. I’m in one of the best moods I think I’ve been in in a very long time. I appreciate the heartfelt words from her, but I did not mean to give off that vibe because it certainly does not match my mood.

Okay, so now I’m sure you’re all wondering what the song was and what the lyrics that we posted were. The song was Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days. It’s an oldie but a goodie. Did I mention we were listening to Matchbox Twenty radio? I’m fairly certain they were all oldies but goodies. In fact I’m still listening to it, been listening all day and it’s been great for my soul. Anyway, the lyric I posted as my status was “This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world” which then my cousin posted “And while she looked so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her when she smiles.” Awwww, right? Yeah, we are cute cousins. But then, like I said, she posted another comment with encouraging words. Some of those words being “play that tape all the way through girlfriend…”, which of course stuck out to me. Instant light bulb. How many of us are stuck on the first part of the lyric in our lives? I know I was and will probably be again one of these days, but man, I’m gonna do like my cousin said. Play the whole song, don’t just get stuck on repeat on the first part.

You see, maybe that is what was going on with me and what is going on with so many people. We get so focused on the sad, the difficult, the negative… the “cried a river and drowned the whole world” part that we don’t even get to the positive, the awesome things ahead… the “I absolutely love her when she smiles” part.

Something else to think about, as we have all heard numerous times before I’m sure, is that we have the down times to make the good ones that much better, make us appreciate them that much more. Whatever the case may be, I don’t want to miss out on the best part of the song.

XoxoX
Jess

High School Reunion. Already?

Holy cow has it really been ten years already since I walked across that stage and got my diploma, deer in headlights kinda wide-eyed with endless possibilities of how my life would turn out. Ten years? Okay so now that that little freak out is out of the way, this post is being brought to you by the letter W for wherethecrapdidthetimego. Okay, okay in all seriousness.. I woke up to a group message on Facebook from several of my classmates. We are officially in the planning stages of our reunion! This excites me and terrifies me all at the same time. Plenty has changed for all of us since that day. Some I have seen here and there over the past ten years. Others, to be honest, I have not seen since that day in the City Auditorium. Sad, too, because I always think that we are closer than that – in any sort of friendship or relationship. Sure, we have kept up with each others’ lives to a certain extent thanks to social media sites like Facebook and of course Myspace, for back then. Yep, I am old enough to say that I am a Myspace boomer and even after high school that was the popular website for me and my classmates. This was due in large part to the fact that Facebook was still by invite only, I believe, and our school was not on the approved list of schools or something like that. I did eventually get on Facebook by saying I was a student at one of the larger, local public schools. Yep, just chased a butterfly there. I think I’m back now.

So, my high school reunion. So far there are a little over 20 people in the group conversation on Facebook and so many want to come! That is exciting! It really will be great to see everyone again. Will give me a chance to catch up with everyone and share life stories of the past several years. Duh, I know that this is what a reunion is for. What I also know reunions to be famous for are causing stress and I don’t want that to be the case with me. Sure, I am already mapping out a workout plan, but I was already doing that last night before I found out about the reunion. I just have a more definite timeline to work with now.

You see, I was an all around athlete and while I felt then that it didn’t show… I don’t think I could have been more blind. What I am going to try to make this teach me is that my worth is not measured by my size. I want to be healthy to be healthy, I don’t want this to become something that I panic over if I’m not a certain size by the time the reunion comes around. I want to focus all of my attention on sharing in something exciting and what should be a really good night, not let it get away from me and panic about it. So, that’s what I’m going to do.

My plan, you ask? I have been walking the dogs and/or running in the park semi regularly lately. I want to push that to a totally regular thing. I need to make my work schedule work this in and progress has already been made on that thanks in part to my supportive man. I have already made some wonderful diet adjustments and just need to weed out the junk that I tend to indulge on a little more often than I probably should. I have also been wanting to get a bicycle. Granted my town is full of these wonderful rolling hills, but there are some flat parts where I think I’d be able to get started in riding again. In short, my plan is just to get active and stay active. I love being active and I need to stop letting that get away from me so easily.

To wrap all this up, I do not want to leave the wrong impression for anyone. I am completely and totally excited for the upcoming reunion. I can’t wait to see some old friends that I have not seen in years and see some that I’ve seen more recently but still could use a good catch up! Ten years? Gosh! Still can’t believe it.

Senior year with the small group of us that had been together since 1st grade!

What I’ve learned about the blog world

Man, OH man, there are a lot… I mean A LOT of blogs out there. It’s fantastic! I found this very neat blog that I just adore right now. Through that blog I found probably fifteen more that I wanted to keep up with and were inspired by. I have been digging around in other blogs out there and updating my own blog in here since I posted my initial one yesterday. It has been one fun and interesting journey! The possibilities of what to blog about are endless; and all the fun writing challenges? I just can’t wait. I am trying to get myself at least a little bit organized on my end so it’s not total chaos up in here. But, then again, a little chaos can be fun right? I’m even making notes in my planner and may even spring for a little purse notepad strictly for photography and blogging ideas since you know, I have so many of them!

I know I have one and I shall find it

So, what exactly have I learned? I think I’ve learned that how successful blogger of a blogger you are does not necessarily equal how many followers you have. Sure, followers and readers are a great thing, but some of the blogs I stumbled upon that I found to be some of my favorites so far were the ones with fewer followers. I’ve also learned that just because you don’t have many followers doesn’t mean you don’t have many readers. But to help with the readers and get my little corner of the blogging universe out there, I joined something that I found called BlogLovin’. This is something that I never would have even heard of unless I did a little browsing, and I’m glad I did! It’s a pretty cool little site to help keep all the blogs you follow together easily. It’s even got an app, which I of course downloaded immediately because I do love my apps. I also added the Google Chrome extension so I can see how many updates I have to read. Pretty stoked about it. I really think it’s going to help keep me focused on this and those blogs that I’ve already started to follow will help me keep a positive spin on things while continuing to give me new ideas for my own blog.

Another totally awesome thing that I found was the Cara Box! Okay, so I didn’t have to dig too hard for this one because , well,  it’s just that neat! I signed up for it and hope to have a successful swap with someone next month. Okay, so what is it? It’s this care package sort of idea but for bloggers across the blog universe. Each month you get a persons name to get to know, follow/stalk their blog, email back and forth and just try to get to know them before building them a package to send to them and make their life a little happier! Who wouldn’t just absolutely adore this?! First, you get to meet someone new that you probably never would have if it wasn’t for this. Second, you get a fun package in the mail! Do I even need a third? Of course I do because it’s me and three is my favorite number. Third, it connects bloggers in a way that they have possibly never been connected. Sure, we follow each other, read each others posts sometimes, but this is getting to really know someone and possibly building a friendship over something totally cool! Yay!

I really am excited about this new chapter in my life because I feel like I’m finally taking back control of it and this is a fantastic tool to help me do so.

XoxoX
Jess

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day

I have decided to take blogging to a whole new level; at leasta whole new level for me. I have several different ones right now that I have sort of gotten a bad taste with after some time of having them. Why? I think it’s because I seem to always post negative things there. My blog should be more uplifting for me as well as others, not something that is a chore and so dark and dreary. That isn’t me and that certainly is not my intention. I miss blogging, though. I miss the outlet and the sort of anonymity that it offers. Sure, others can read and I know a few right off the top of my head who probably will read and keep up and that’s fantastic. What I seem to have forgotten though is the point of blogging. To me, the point of blogging is to have not only an outlet, but a topic to discuss. That topic could be anything from simply rambling to faith, love, a new product review, photography, a vacation, a fight with a friend, family or a new foe! Whatever the case may be, I don’t want my blog to be centered around such negativity even when it’s apparent that there is a struggle or struggles in my life. I need to force myself to think positive and carry myself in such a way that I know that I can. As far as the proper format to blogging, I want to learn that even. I think this could turn into a brand new journey for me on this blog right here. I want to open it up to the public, which is something that I haven’t done in a while. I don’t think I should hide who I really am and those that love me will still love me even after they read about something that they may not agree with. So here it is, my fresh new blog. Let’s see where this one takes me.  I’m feelin’ good.

XoxoX
Jess